The Biggest Battle of My Life

Please help me continue the fight today!

My life took an unexpected turn two years ago; a difficult turn, but one that presented me with clarity for my future goals and a deep realization that each day needs to be fulfilling. The email below is an unedited account of my circumstances.

April 2, 2007
11:05am

Dear Family & Friends,

I wanted to write this email for two reasons: to update you on my situation and thank you for the endless amounts of support. The last month has become a whirlwind of doctor’s appointments, spinal taps, MRIs, phone calls and even a few tears, but I’m finally getting some answers – thank goodness!

Last Thursday, I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS) which is a disease of the autoimmune system. In layman’s terms, my immune system is attacking my nervous system. This attack creates lesions on the nerve coverings in the brain and spinal cord leading to the numbness I’ve had from my toes to my hips.

I am going to start a 3 day IV steroid treatment today which will hopefully alleviate the numbness and then I’m in the process of securing an appointment with one of the top MS specialist in Southern California at UCI Medical Center.

I have been thankful to learn the vast majority of patients diagnosed with MS in their early 20s go on to lead very normal lives. It does not change your life expectancy, nor do you pass it on to your children (two things that are very important to me!). Only 50% of people with MS ever need the assistance of a walking device and the majority who do were diagnosed much later in life. In a nut shell – I’m still the same old Jen!

After meeting with my doctor this week I will be choosing a course of treatment that will involve giving myself injections (much like diabetes) to try to prevent the lesions from coming back. MS is an episodic disease (my numb legs being an episode), but I have spoken to many people who go 5+ years without another episode because of the treatment. Unfortunately not a lot is known about MS, including the cause or a cure, but they have developed ways to manage it, and manage I will!

The last few weeks have included a range of emotions: uncertainty, anxiousness, fear, as well as strength and courageousness. I really look at this as one of the cards I have been dealt in life and it may suck a little, but I will not let it be more than that! Everyone has speed bumps in life and this is simply going to be mine.

I am staying very positive about the entire situation and even feel blessed that my eyes have been opened to my lack of invincibility and a realization that life is way too short and precious to spend one second of it less than happy. So as most of you know and believe, I will be “taking the bull by the horns” and fighting this disease like no other.

Lastly, I want to THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for all the love, support, encouragement, positive thinking and prayers!!! Another priceless realization I have had from this experience is how loved I am…it’s really unbelievable and I get choked up even thinking about it. Seriously, the emails, phone calls, cards, late night chats, etc. have meant more than any one of you can imagine.

So please, keep the positive thoughts coming!

All my love and thanks!
Jennifer

Little Things Make Me Happy

Here are some little things that make me very happy.

• Watching Gray's Anatomy and Private Practice on Saturday morning in my pj's with a homemade cup of coffee
• The paper flower that Jamie made me in my pencil holder on my desk
• Listening to book four of the Twilight series in my car because I don't have time to read the actual book and this draws out the amount of time I can enjoy the series
• Impromptu Skype chats with friends and family
• The sheets on my bed and sleeping with my window cracked a tiny bit so I can taste the fresh air in the morning
• My face lotion
• Buying songs on iTunes with a gift card
• Letters in the mail
• FRESH shampoo and conditioner - the scents are intoxicating
• Margaritas with chips and salsa

What makes you happy?

Clarence, NY

The town I grew up in changed last night - Clarence, NY will never be the same and that makes my heart hurt. Luckily it appears that no one I directly know was impacted by the loss of a loved one, but it is not any better that strangers were.

My childhood home was just over a mile from where Continental flight 3407 crashed and I feel the impact 3,000 miles away.

Clarence is a small town of good people - I know they will all stay strong and get through this disaster together. We're all here for you!

A New Definition of Multi-Tasking Or A New Low?

I've been debating for a couple of days - should I post this story? Why not, right?! This truly illustrates the point I'm at in my life...

On Saturday in the late afternoon (after the baby shower), I purchased supplies to pot 30 terra cotta pots with pansies. All because I had another one of my "can't shut up" moments and offered to supply the centerpieces for my sorority's Founder's Day brunch on Saturday. Anyway, I pot the centerpieces in the hallway of my apartment complex and create quite a scene with my neighbors...five bags of dirt, four flats of pansies and thirty flower pots all in a space that is no more than 3 feet wide. Excellent.

But, that's not the story.

Four hours later, after they are potted and nestled safely on my balcony, I decide to shower because I'm covered in dirt. I strip off my clothes and jump in. I'm facing the shower head and the hot water feels so good on my face and chest. I take a few deep breaths and think about what a wonderful and productive Saturday afternoon I've had.

My thoughts continue to drift while I glance downward and suddenly gasp in absolute HORROR...I've gotten in the shower WITH MY BRA ON!! It's not a nude bra, no, it's dark brown and not easy to miss. I want to cry and laugh at the same time - I'm seriously losing it! "Who does this?" I scream before I decide to embrace my moment of complete insanity and wash my bra while it's in the shower with me - such a good multi-tasker! :-)

I've polled a few people and have yet to find one who has unknowingly gotten in the shower with an article of clothing on. Sad.

A Carrie Bradshaw Moment

Yesterday - 11:00am, I'm dressed and ready to walk out the door to a professional athlete's house for a baby shower. How famous is this athlete - well, his house is worth a measly $6.5 million... Anyway, I'm excited. I can't wait to see all the cute baby shower goodies, the fantastic outfits the wives always wear and of course, the fabulous house!

Note for those that don't know me - I'm a planner. I plan weeks (okay, maybe months) in advance. Suddenly I have school and work and I am blinded by things taking up my precious planning time. So now, I don't plan. On a Friday my mother will ask me what I'm wearing to XYZ event on Saturday and I'll painfully utter - "I don't know."

Because of this, my morning began with a hiccup...what do you wear to a baby shower when it's January (i.e. middle of winter) and 80 degrees out? After a deep rummage in my closet I found a navy blue cotton J. Crew dress that I have a fabulous multi-chain gold/turquoise necklace to go with - perfect.

My ride (another girl from the office arrives) and I realize I have to lug a 35 pound Fisher Price 'Zen' Collection Cradle Swing downstairs. And when I say downstairs, I really mean down a hall with several turns, down 4 floors in an elevator and another 50 yard walk to the visitor parking area - no small feat!. Note of clarification - my co-worker doesn't come upstairs to help carry this monstrous baby contraption because she too is 8 months prego.

I take a deep breath and bend at the knees. My darling roommate is in her silk pj's making coffee for her and her boyfriend, but kindly offers to help - no I'll manage I say with a fake smile plastered to my face. Without blinking she says, "You look like Carrie Bradshaw when she's carrying that baby gift down the streets of New York."

I want to cry tears of thanks - she just made my day! I say, "You are the best liar because that's far from how I look, but I'm going to leave with that comment in my head and I love you for it!"

Thank god for my roommate.

P.S. The house was unbelievable, the girl's outfits truly marginal and the number of custom favors and goodies were blinding.